Break the Rules
If you grow up in a home where alcohol or other substances are abused OR addictive behaviors are in place, what do you learn? Do you learn to be:
- Loving? Accepting? Tolerant? Patient? Kind? Forgiving? Responsible in a healthy way? Non-judgmental? Caring, Open-minded? Willing? Honest? Happy? Joyous? Free?
Or did you learn to be:
- Angry? Guilty? Shameful? Despairing? Irresponsible? Selfish? Intolerant? Deceptive? Devious? Dishonest? Cruel? Controlling? Fearful?
One of the breeding grounds for the disease of alcoholism is negativity. If one is constantly surrounded by negativity it is extremely difficult to be positive and expect others to learn from you. You are more apt to become negative than you are to get them positive. The most important factor here is to recognize you are living in an environment that is not healthy and it is harming you and others in the family unit. The next thing is the hardest part; you must seek some outside help. This becomes even harder because you will have to break all three of the unwritten rules of a family living like this: don’t ask/talk, don’t trust, and don’t feel. One cannot act on something without the awareness that it is happening.
First you will need to open up and talk about what is really going on behind closed doors. You will have to talk about the verbal, mental, and/or emotional abuse. If there is obvious physical abuse such as slapping, hitting, or punching, it needs to be stopped. Hollering, mood swings, throwing things, or even silence for hours, days, weeks are other forms of abuse. Making someone stay at the table or in a corner for hours causes physical harm to the body. Locking anyone in a dark room or basement is another example of physical abuse.
Secondly, trust someone outside the family. It can be a close friend or relative, but a person who is bound by confidentiality and trained to help would be more beneficial in this situation. With so many resources available today it should not be hard to open up the yellow pages or do a search on the internet for local places to receive this kind of help.
Third, you will need to allow yourself to feel some pain as it will hurt as you open up wounds.
Don’t you want a life filled with love and joy? You deserve it!
Until next week, Becki Bateman